I Gave Up Murdering People with an Ax (and if You’re a Christian, You Should, Too)

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People are always telling me how holy I am, but sometimes it takes a few moments for me to jog their memory.  That’s why think pieces are so important: you can remind LOTS of people how righteous you are.  Probably that’s what Jesus was talking about when he said to let your light shine before men, or something, I have no idea, there are so many verses in the Bible, who could ever read them all.

Anyway, I would like to make an announcement: I have given up murdering people with an ax.

Have I ever killed anyone with an ax before?  Well…no, but that’s only because I, like, deny myself and stuff, just like Paul and Luther and all the other disciples did.

I realize that this is a bold decision, especially at a time when the Church is so divided on hot-button issues.  I am sure there are good, solid Christians on both sides of the ax-murdering issue.  But please hear me: it is not my intent to divide people with my courageous stance.  To the contrary, I want to bring people together, where they will hopefully talk among themselves about how fearless I am.

But wait, people will say.  Are you against all axes?  What about lumberjacks?  Are you against violence?  What about chopping up the zombies who attack your farmhouse?

Guys, I’m not coming to take away anyone’s ax.  I’m not here to tell anybody what to believe, at least not yet–that comes later on in the think piece.  I’m here for freedom.  You feel a wonderful freedom when you give up murdering people with an ax, and I know this because I’ve never really given up anything else, but still.

To me, it’s all about the weaker brother.  If murdering even one person with an ax causes my brother to stumble, what have I gained?  And I’ll be honest, I have no idea who the weaker brother actually is.  I’ve never met him–and I want to keep it that way.  So if I can imagine that I’m helping him somehow, then I can just avoid him.  Because if I make him stumble, then I’ll have to help him up, and what if he wants to talk to me?  Ew.

So forgive me for being “uncool”.  Forgive me for being “old-fashioned.”  I think I’m in pretty good company: I bet they called Paul “uncool” when he decided to walk out on the water to meet Jesus!  I’ll bet people called Luther “old-fashioned,” too, whenever he was doing various things.

I remain convinced that the only sensible way to be a Christian in today’s world is to not murder people with an ax.

Some might say: Isn’t that just legalism?  No, legalism is something that other Christians do.  When I do it, it’s called something else, like wisdom or whatever.

But guys, everyone has to make up their own mind.  I guess it all comes down to letting the Lord lead you, except right now, when you should let me lead you.