Probably the greatest theological tragedy in history is that the church gave up on pickup lines. The current connotation of pickup lines is an awful thing. Say the phrase out loud and you immediately conjure up horrid imagery of sleazeballs wandering aimlessly through a food court throwing puns at every girl they come across, in the desperate hope that one of them might have father issues.
It doesn’t have to be like this. There are 5 love languages, and one of the four that is not sex is words of affirmation. Surely there can be nothing more romantic for a godly woman to hear than her soulmate spinning a carefully-constructed line at her when she walks into the room. Such a perfect Christian pickup line conveys two distinct thoughts: first, that I treasure our marriage as a gift from our Creator, and second, GIRL COME GET AT ME.
Below is a list of Christian pickup lines, and because context is sometimes lost through the written word, there are selfies included with the correct face to make for each line.
DANG GIRL, THAT BOOTY GOT A DENOMINATION?
(and what are the membership requirements?)
GUESS GOD MADE YOU ON THE FOURTH DAY, BECAUSE YOU’RE A HEAVENLY BODY
(…and I saw that it was good)
GIRL CHRIS TOMLIN GONNA WRITE A SONG ABOUT WHAT I WANNA DO TO YOU
(and it will be seven words repeated over and over again, and no old people will want to hear it)
HOW MEEK DO I HAVE TO BE TO INHERIT THAT EARTH?
(…because I can get meek. I can get meek like you’ve never seen)
GIRL YOU’RE TURNING MY MINOR PROPHET INTO A MAJOR
(…and we haven’t even got to Song of Solomon…yet)