Honorable Mention: capos Starbucks tight pants Apple products 14) Think pieces View post on imgur.com Oh hellzyeah, baby.  Nothing says “spontaneous love for our Creator” like dissecting and regulating worship until we’ve pounded every possible emotion out of it and reduced it to the rote chanting of catechisms like a bunch of Catholics Presbyterians Lutherans

***** 1. Because I don’t go there A mistake many churches make is not having me in the congregation.  I won’t, like, “do” anything or “be involved” in any way, but I’m a very important Evangelical Thought Leader™.  Out of all the churches I have attended, I have only directly caused like 3 or 4

***** 10.  All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name It contains the line “this terrestrial ball” and if you’ve got a group of repressed homeschool boys in the youth group you can all quietly sing it as “this testicle ball” and it’s hella funny but anyway I will never admit to that, no matter how

***** 1. Methodists View post on imgur.com Cool facts about Methodists: over 70% of worldwide Christians are Methodists, including Third Day and also the Pope Methodists have historically taken a hard stance against “sin“ they call steeples “angel perches” they are only allowed to get haircuts on their birthday 2. Old Ones Old Christians are

***** Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah The distant hum of approaching engines. Three plumes rise on the horizon, white columns of dust and exhaust swirling together in the arid sky. Three motorcycles speed across the endless expanse.  Three riders leaning into the wind without expression. There, a speck in the distance.  The speck becomes a dot,

***** A dirty Nashville dive bar.  The kind of place where men go to forget their problems.  Also, a place where women go to forget their problems.  It was a good place to forget problems, this bar. A lone man on a stool, bent over the bar.  Silent.  Nunchucks sticking out of his pocket.  He

***** ALCATRAZ ISLAND Christianity is in trouble.  BIG trouble.  A team of supervillains has taken over the island and they are threatening to destroy the entire Christian faith.  Their plan is to hack all of the Bibles in the world—using Technology—and put the Y2K virus in the Bibles.  This will be very bad. If you’re

***** A long time ago, King David was like “well, time to die,” and he stayed in bed all day waiting for it to happen.  His aides were like “is there any way we can help you not die?” and David was like “I’m cold.”  Then his aides looked at each other and whispered “we

***** Probably no other religion is harder on introverts than Christianity.  But all the other religions lead to hell, so what are you going to do. When you’re an introvert and you become a Christian, everything starts out good.  This is because introverts are great at one-on-one interactions. God: I sent my Son as an

***** Since the beginning of everything, Christians have written insufferable letters telling each other what to do.  As soon as Adam & Eve were kicked out of the Garden, Adam got on his blogspot and wrote a really long post with a bunch of sentences in all caps called Eve Needs to Check Her Privilege