***** A dirty Nashville dive bar.  The kind of place where men go to forget their problems.  Also, a place where women go to forget their problems.  It was a good place to forget problems, this bar. A lone man on a stool, bent over the bar.  Silent.  Nunchucks sticking out of his pocket.  He

***** ALCATRAZ ISLAND Christianity is in trouble.  BIG trouble.  A team of supervillains has taken over the island and they are threatening to destroy the entire Christian faith.  Their plan is to hack all of the Bibles in the world—using Technology—and put the Y2K virus in the Bibles.  This will be very bad. If you’re

***** A long time ago, King David was like “well, time to die,” and he stayed in bed all day waiting for it to happen.  His aides were like “is there any way we can help you not die?” and David was like “I’m cold.”  Then his aides looked at each other and whispered “we

***** Probably no other religion is harder on introverts than Christianity.  But all the other religions lead to hell, so what are you going to do. When you’re an introvert and you become a Christian, everything starts out good.  This is because introverts are great at one-on-one interactions. God: I sent my Son as an

***** Since the beginning of everything, Christians have written insufferable letters telling each other what to do.  As soon as Adam & Eve were kicked out of the Garden, Adam got on his blogspot and wrote a really long post with a bunch of sentences in all caps called Eve Needs to Check Her Privilege

***** I was a very strange teenager.  If you’ve read Homeschool Sex Machine, you’re familiar with my orbit through the world of fundamentalism and homeschooling.  If you haven’t read Homeschool Sex Machine, I wouldn’t recommend it; it says the word “bosom.” One of the things I did in the 90s in lieu of dating or

***** View post on imgur.com My friends, I come not to attack or defend John Piper; I come only to celebrate his weird tweets.  After his latest tweet about sexy stones (we’ll get there, oh yes) started riling up the Christian blogosphere, I looked around to see if anyone had put all his strangest tweets

***** Probably the biggest crisis in Christianity right now is that no one has put all the pictures of Adam & Eve together and ranked them according to how hot they are.  But wait, some will say.  Shouldn’t Christians resist judging people based on their physical appearance?  Yes, of course, if you think you might

***** WASHINGTON, DC THE WHITE HOUSE President Trump has called an emergency meeting of Christian figures to help him deal with a pressing issue… [door swings open] JOEL OSTEEN: Blessings! PRESIDENT TRUMP: One question: are Presbyterians Christians? JOEL OSTEEN: sometimes the internet people send me money PRESIDENT TRUMP: I don’t care.  Are Presbyterians Christians? JOEL