***** Probably if there is one thing I am known for, it is heroically scoring 12 points against the theological degenerates of Gateway Christian, helping to end their reign of terror in the St. Louis Metro Christian Athletic Association, even though Mike Chavez only scored 1 point that night, probably because he was real distracted

Being an Evangelical Thought Leader™ is more than just writing think pieces and tweeting platitudes.  I mean, that’s about 95% of it, sure, but there’s other stuff, too.  Like sacrifice.  Sacrifice is when you notice that the other Thought Leaders are more famous than you, so you make a big deal about giving up something,

***** Probably the mistake that most Christians make is trying too hard to be holy.  I guess people do this by reading the Bible and doing the things that Jesus said to do, I actually have no idea, I am far too woke to do whatever everyone else is doing.  The point is, there are

***** Probably the most important part of being a Christian is what kind of glasses you wear.  This is what determines how holy you are.  Except there are lots of Christians who don’t wear glasses, because they are not nerds, and these people’s holiness is judged the regular way: by how much they listen to

Isaac Okay, despite all the paintings that show Isaac as a little kid, this dude was probably like 24 when his father took him up on a mountain and very nearly butchered him. Isaac, hey bubba, it’s okay to ask some questions here.  Let’s take a look at the warning signs you missed: Dad hears

Honorable Mention: capos Starbucks tight pants Apple products 14) Think pieces View post on imgur.com Oh hellzyeah, baby.  Nothing says “spontaneous love for our Creator” like dissecting and regulating worship until we’ve pounded every possible emotion out of it and reduced it to the rote chanting of catechisms like a bunch of Catholics Presbyterians Lutherans

***** 1. Because I don’t go there A mistake many churches make is not having me in the congregation.  I won’t, like, “do” anything or “be involved” in any way, but I’m a very important Evangelical Thought Leader™.  Out of all the churches I have attended, I have only directly caused like 3 or 4