***** A long time ago, Jesus was trying to explain to his followers how he would one day return.  Everyone was like “cool, when?” so Jesus was all like “no one knows the date or–” …except everyone kept interrupting him. “Today?” they asked. And Jesus was all like I haven’t even left yet, are you

***** He sits in the study, quietly composing tweet storms.  Fire gently crackling in the fireplace.  Casting Crowns playing in the background. She enters, pulling the door shut behind her.  She is dressed in her Good Sweatpants. “The kids are asleep,” she announces, but his eyes do not leave the screen. “Even Malachi?” he asks.

As CS Lewis once said, “Christian Twitter is exhausting.”  It is a vast, cavernous expanse of futility where theologians prattle on endlessly about dead people while the outrage brigades climb over each other to trumpet their wokeness and strange Baptists argue and block each other. But wait… Out of the darkness, movement A lone champion

***** Probably if there is one thing I am known for, it is heroically scoring 12 points against the theological degenerates of Gateway Christian, helping to end their reign of terror in the St. Louis Metro Christian Athletic Association, even though Mike Chavez only scored 1 point that night, probably because he was real distracted

Being an Evangelical Thought Leader™ is more than just writing think pieces and tweeting platitudes.  I mean, that’s about 95% of it, sure, but there’s other stuff, too.  Like sacrifice.  Sacrifice is when you notice that the other Thought Leaders are more famous than you, so you make a big deal about giving up something,

***** Probably the mistake that most Christians make is trying too hard to be holy.  I guess people do this by reading the Bible and doing the things that Jesus said to do, I actually have no idea, I am far too woke to do whatever everyone else is doing.  The point is, there are