***** Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah The distant hum of approaching engines. Three plumes rise on the horizon, white columns of dust and exhaust swirling together in the arid sky. Three motorcycles speed across the endless expanse.  Three riders leaning into the wind without expression. There, a speck in the distance.  The speck becomes a dot,

***** A dirty Nashville dive bar.  The kind of place where men go to forget their problems.  Also, a place where women go to forget their problems.  It was a good place to forget problems, this bar. A lone man on a stool, bent over the bar.  Silent.  Nunchucks sticking out of his pocket.  He

***** ALCATRAZ ISLAND Christianity is in trouble.  BIG trouble.  A team of supervillains has taken over the island and they are threatening to destroy the entire Christian faith.  Their plan is to hack all of the Bibles in the world—using Technology—and put the Y2K virus in the Bibles.  This will be very bad. If you’re

***** A long time ago, King David was like “well, time to die,” and he stayed in bed all day waiting for it to happen.  His aides were like “is there any way we can help you not die?” and David was like “I’m cold.”  Then his aides looked at each other and whispered “we

***** Probably no other religion is harder on introverts than Christianity.  But all the other religions lead to hell, so what are you going to do. When you’re an introvert and you become a Christian, everything starts out good.  This is because introverts are great at one-on-one interactions. God: I sent my Son as an

***** Since the beginning of everything, Christians have written insufferable letters telling each other what to do.  As soon as Adam & Eve were kicked out of the Garden, Adam got on his blogspot and wrote a really long post with a bunch of sentences in all caps called Eve Needs to Check Her Privilege

***** It might not seem like it, but probably lots of Christians still commit sins.  But which sins are the worst?  Why hasn’t someone made a ranking, so that whenever a Christian is like, “ayo, having a bad day, gonna do a sin and see if that helps” they can check the list and make

***** I was a very strange teenager.  If you’ve read Homeschool Sex Machine, you’re familiar with my orbit through the world of fundamentalism and homeschooling.  If you haven’t read Homeschool Sex Machine, I wouldn’t recommend it; it says the word “bosom.” One of the things I did in the 90s in lieu of dating or

***** View post on imgur.com My friends, I come not to attack or defend John Piper; I come only to celebrate his weird tweets.  After his latest tweet about sexy stones (we’ll get there, oh yes) started riling up the Christian blogosphere, I looked around to see if anyone had put all his strangest tweets