***** A long time ago, Jesus was trying to explain to his followers how he would one day return.  Everyone was like “cool, when?” so Jesus was all like “no one knows the date or–” …except everyone kept interrupting him. “Today?” they asked. And Jesus was all like I haven’t even left yet, are you

***** He sits in the study, quietly composing tweet storms.  Fire gently crackling in the fireplace.  Casting Crowns playing in the background. She enters, pulling the door shut behind her.  She is dressed in her Good Sweatpants. “The kids are asleep,” she announces, but his eyes do not leave the screen. “Even Malachi?” he asks.